Time. It can make you go a little crazy sometimes.
I was at Anglesea with the boys by myself again today - and that would normally be fine. Normally. Ir was a hot day and a phone call set me off. A flippant reminder about a fire plan.
I had no fire plan - no plans at all, and I should. I was wholly responsible and totally ignorant. Anglesea is a costal town, yet surrounded by native bushland, with only the great ocean road as a way in or out. I have seen how busy that can get with the Lorne Pier to Pub. Additionally, fire, or more specifically bushfires really scare me. I am all for my friends who live in at risk areas, to leave on days of total fire ban. Yet here I was not heeding my own advice.
So, I set to making a plan. A way out - depending on which way the fire was coming. Packed some long clothes and towels as we didn't have any blankets. Drinks in the freezer. Downloaded the fire app. Then my mobile dropped out of range. With no land line, no one could contact me, nor could I get internet to find out what was happening.
I filled my car with petrol and set off - toward home to get reception, but also see what was going on. Mum and Dad had doctors appointments and we planning to come back.
Finally we managed to get hold of them. There were no fires, but also the news from the doctors was not good. Good and bad in one call. The tumour is still growing, despite chemo and the chemo doctor suggested no more treatment. Quality of life over quantity. I am not really sure the diagnosis on quantity, but there is talk of months.
While none of this is a great surprise, terminal is terminal, it is still not fun. To be told that you are going to die and its a matter of time...... I can't imagine how that is to hear, but I do know how hard it is to live with. Just to sit by and watch.
The hardest part is thinking that this may be the last time. The last holiday, the last celebration, the last conversation, the last hug. Not making them overtly special, but still not forgetting the significance.
They are back for a few days holiday and that is what we'll have. Special time.