Monday, February 16

Half a Glass

Of late, my glass always seems to be half empty. I can only seem to see the worst in everything, and everything seems to make me angry. There is no real reason, it just is how it seems to be. I have decided to make a change.
I am going to live more in the moment. I am trying to get more organisation and routine at home which should help the twins to settle. I am going to take some time out and start to say no to things. I seem some days to be chasing my tail as I race from one commitment to the next - there never seems to be any time to just 'be'.
Its going to take me some time - it is a major attitude shift, but I would rather be getting happier than a churning anger in my stomach. I think it is really a need to simplify- everything. There are so many people who are facing so much hardship and my glass really is half full.
To paint a picture of where this is all coming from, lets look at this morning. I am in the school morning routine, and the twins want to start toilet training. They wont get dressed, they take of their own poo filled nappies in the bathroom and then fight over the toilet. There is poo everywhere except in the toilet. I get a top on Benji and deal with Spencer who is on the toilet wanting to unroll all the paper. Meanwhile Benji wees in the hall. Its bin day, and I take a said dirty nappies out to the bin, only to have Alexander racing out hysterically to find me and trip over in the driveway. If I was leaving them all as if I would take a bag full of dirty nappies with me. Alexander has lost a shoe and we are getting later. Finally relatively poo free we are in the car on the way to school, Benji is SCREAMING and has taken his arm out of straps. This involves pulling over to fix hysteria on all parts and making us again later to school.
Once at school and parked (actually close to gate) I have to walk him to the door so twins have to get into the pram. I end up staying for assembly but he doesnt even see me! I decide that now everyone is calm, we will go to a preschool music program. All good - until we get int he door and then the tantrums unfold. There were only 2 other people there, and my two were hysterical and extremely non-participative. That is until the music ended and the food came out. Benji stopped crying 30 minutes into the 45 minute session but they both just sat all over me and wouldn't do anything. I got home to clean up for a colleague (not really friend) to come over and while I am putting things in the box, there were two little monkeys tipping it out again.
Now I sit doing my blog, venting and deciding to change. I don't expect these situations to change ( hopefully the do and for the better) but hopefully I will begin to feel better about it all - and remember that my glass really is half full.

1 comment:

  1. hi nic
    ditto to all for my life but i only have one 2 year old not 2 !! i feel for you. so glad that today was better. you know you are so right it really is in the way we are that makes the house work ok. if im good we are all good. sometimes my shoulders aren't broad enough to keep it up, but like you i am also trying.
    hang in there sister. you are so good, in all you do.

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